Question: Beloved Master, Sri Bhagavan, why does my sadness feel more real than my happiness? I want so much to be real & authentic, not to wear any masks but this seems to mean so much rejection by others. Is it possible to be so alone?
Sri Bhagavan: It is important to understand. It is the case with most of the people. Your sadness is certainly more real because it is yours, it is authentic. Your happiness is shallow; it is not yours, it depends on something, somebody........
There is some reason in it. Deep down they hate each other, for the simple reason that they are dependent on each other for gaining happiness – and nobody likes dependence. Slavery is not the intrinsic desire of human beings. If a woman or a man gives you joy, and you become dependent, you are at the same time creating a deep hate – because of dependence. You cannot leave the woman because she makes you happy. And you cannot leave your hatred of the woman, because she makes you dependent.
So all so-called love relationships are very strange, complicated phenomena. They are love-hate relationships. The hate needs to be expressed some way or other. That’s why whatever your wife likes, you don’t like; whatever your husband likes, you don’t like. On every small thing husbands and wives are fighting. Which movie to go to? – and there is an immense fight. Which restaurant to go to? – and immediately there is a fight. This is the hatred which is moving underneath the facade of happiness. Happiness remains shallow, very thin; just scratch it a little bit and you will find its opposite.
But sadness is more authentic, because you are not dependent on anybody. It is yours, absolutely yours. This should give you a great insight, that your sadness can help you more than your happiness. You have never looked at sadness closely. You try to avoid seeing it – in many ways. If you feel sad, you go to a movie. If you feel sad, you start the television. If you feel sad, you go and play with your friends, you go to a club. You start doing something so that you do not have to see the sadness. This is not the right approach. When you are sad, it is a momentous phenomenon, very sacred, something of your own.
Get acquainted with it, go deeper into it, and you will be surprised. Sit silently, and be sad. Sadness has its own beauties.
Sadness is silent, it is yours. It is coming because you are alone. It is giving you a chance to go deeper into your aloneness. Rather than jumping from one shallow happiness to another shallow happiness and wasting your life, it is better to use sadness as a means for meditation. Witness it. It is a friend! It opens the door of your eternal aloneness.
There is no way not to be alone. You can delude yourself, but you cannot succeed. And we are deluding ourselves in every way – in relationship, in ambition, in becoming famous, in doing this, in doing that. We are trying to convince ourselves that we are not alone, that we are not sad. But, sooner or later, your mask wears out – it is false, it cannot remain forever – then you have to wear another mask. In one small life, how many masks do you wear? And how many have melted away, changed? But you go on continuing the old habit.
If you want to be an authentic individual, use sadness; don’t escape from it. It is a great blessing. Sit silently with it, rejoice in it. There is nothing wrong in being sad. And the more you become acquainted with it and its subtle nuances, you will be surprised – it is a great relaxation, a great rest, and you come out of it rejuvenated, refreshed, younger, livelier. And once you have tasted it, you will
seek those beautiful moments of sadness again and again. You will wait for them, you will welcome them, and they will open new doors of your aloneness....
Alone you are born, alone you will die. Between these two alonenesses you can deceive yourself that you are not alone, that you have a wife, a husband, children, money, power. But between these two alonenesses you are alone. Everything is just to keep yourself engaged in something or other, so that you don’t become aware of it.
Thanks to Kiran D. for sending
Image: Afghani woman grieving, 2104 - Associated Press